MELZIE'S monologue ;-)

I want to change my blog. Well let me back up, I want to change my LIFE...but for my beginning baby steps lets start with the blog. I have struggled with writing this blog a certain way, to appeal to certain readers on certain subjects. Now the only thing I'm certain of is my blog is not a true reflection of ME. I am quirky, I am odd, I have so many ecclecticies and contradictions. I feel tremendous pressure to blog about quilty stuff. But guess what, quilting is about 2% of my real life. I feel I have to perform as some sort of super-Christian to appeal to those readers. But I am not super-spiritual, I'm totally average. I do well in some areas and have a real struggle in others. I saw three owls in one evening the other day, what does it mean? I dream of tornadoes and floods and everything under the sun in vivid 3-d color. If even my DREAMS are a reflection of me why can't this blog be? A corner of me wants to have another baby, but the whole of me wants to be done with the tied down parts of motherhood and start to experience some freedom. My kids are all old enough to wipe their own butts, zip their own coats and buckle their own seatbelts. I want to embrace the parts of me that believes in magic and fairies and omens of owls appearing in the twilight. I want to remember the poetry the MELODY is and stop trying to put on a mask or a show or a dog and pony supercalifragilistic Christianity. I love Jesus. I really do. I want to make Him happy and make Him love me but realisitically I cant MAKE Him love me anymore than I can MAKE you love me or MAKE my husband love me or even my standoffish cat. JESUS LOVES ME even if I believe in full moons making people loony. I like Christian music but sometimes I LOVE loud raucus country music, I like angry women songs, I like 80's headbanging stuff, I even like some of the crusty music my hubby likes. I need to embrace myself even if no one else does but me and Jesus and the three owls. And in loosening up my invisible bindings of this blog I can begin to do so in my own life again, and learn to me ME again :)

And I want to share this neat article.

And I read this book this week by this author called "Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn" that might just change my life. I hope it does.

::disclaimer:: this post doesnt make much sense to YOU but it feels like a fresh breath of honeysuckle scented spring breeze to me. muah! xoxo