Borrowed a blog entry from cbs.com's Survivor's strike back. It is a hoot to read every week, and Amazing Race has one also. LET ME REPEAT I DID NOT WRITE THIS I copied and pasted but the entire entry is a link back, go visit and read all the entries they are all good but this one made me laugh til I cried :) xoxo melzie
DAWG’S BLOG" -
You probably didn’t know itBut I’m a poet. I’m pretty prolific too. Most people haven’t figured this out yet but my previous blogs are all poems. Epics. And like the ‘Rime of the Ancient Mariner’, to really understand them, you have to sing them out loud to the Gilligan’s Island theme. Try it. If it doesn’t work at first, crack open a bottle of Old No. 7 and take a few blasts…The blogs will start rhyming then, just like all great poems. Anyway, here’s one I’ve been working on since last episode:
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Rocky and Mookie are dumb.
BobDawgsta, c. 2007
More on the inspiration for this poem below…
INTRODUCTIONI guess people didn’t realize that not only do I get paid by the word ($0.22/per word in fact), but I get transcripts of the entire show so I can write my blogs in proper context. This is b/c there’s so many people in the game and so little time, we don’t get to see all the conversations underlying some of the things that happen which makes some of the decisions people make seem mysterious, if not flat out dumb. But I assure you, having read the transcripts, there’s good reasons behind everything. So in order to help lift the fog, I will include excerpts of the transcript where appropriate to help explain some of this season’s mysteries.
MYSTERY #1: DUMB AND DUMBER (aka “The Story of How Rocky and Mookie Bonded”)Day 7 - RAVURocky: Yo, bro!Mookie: What's up Ronnie?Rocky: My name’s Rocky. It’s easy to remember. It's short for James, bro. Mookie: Your name is “Jamesbro”? rocky: No, bro. James 'comma' bro, bro.Mookie: “Jamescommabrobro”? That's like karma karma chameleon, huh? HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAHHAH HAH! Ehhh, I kill me…Rocky: Yo, bro, you better stop all that laughing bro! I’m the comic relief character this season bro! When the camera’s on, The Rock-Star does his thing, bro! I say all the funny, interesting, insightful things around here, bro! Mookie: When do you start doing that? Episode 4? Rocky: Shut up bro! I'll vote you out for that bro. What's your favorite color? Red, bro? I'll vote you out for that bro! Hey bro, I was just thinking…Mookie: Yeah, right. When? Rocky: I’m doing it right now, bro. I was thinking: we’ve lost TWO straight challenges bro. No one’s ever done that! We’re the worst tribe in the history of Survivor, bro! HAH HAH HAH HAH. Mookie: Uh, ever heard of Ulong?Rocky: No. Mookie: Of course not. Me either. Let's be friends.
MYSTERY #2: WHY SO MANY PEOPLE FELL ON THEIR HEADS IN THE CHALLENGEThey always cut the instructions short for editing purposes. In this case, hearing the full set of instructions would have been helpful in understanding why foos kept falling on their heads. After reading the transcript, now I get it. After Jeff rattled off the regular stuff (i.e, “Come on in guys!”, “Want to know what you’re playing for?” “Worth playing for?”) he explained the intricacies of the slippery part of the challenge: “Ok guys. There’s two ways you can handle the oil-slick portion: You can run as fast as you can then slide on your stomach like Hall of Famer Pete Rose OR you can walk slowly up to the oil like “The Gimp” from Pulp Fiction, put one foot on the mat then immediately slam your head on the ground then flop around like an idiot. The only other rule is that if someone that goes before you successfully slides on his or her stomach and it seems to be both safe and effective, then you have to use the ‘busting your head on the ground and flopping around’ technique. Survivors ready?”
Actually I thought that was the best challenge I’ve seen in a long time. It looked like fun first of all. Second, it was very Darwinian. How many people fell on their heads? It looked like an episode of Three’s Company or something. I was wondering if they thought they got extra points for that. The only thing that would have made the challenge better would have been if there was another portion to it…like a whipped-cream section with cherries in it . . .and they’re allowed to eat as many cherries and as much whipped- cream as they wanted... and if Jessica was still in it . . . and if Jessica, Stacy, Michelle and Rita all had to compete at the same time. . . and if there was a pillow fight at the end… and if I could be in it.
MYSTERY # 3: HOW THE GENERALS OF THE CLOWN ARMY DECIDED TO TARGET ANTHONYRocky: Yo! That was really cool how you taunted the other team after they stomped us for 2 straight episodes bro! That was not only very funny, but very classy!Mookie: Yup! I'm the Mookster! No one eats worms like me baby! That’s going on my resume. Rocky: Yeah, I’m probably going to get a resume too one day. But watch out with all that taunting because you were stealing my lightning, bro. I’m the ‘zany-character’ guy, remember that, bro. Mookie: I’m as much of a character as you are, Jerry. I'm here to push the antelope!Rocky: You mean the envelope bro?Mookie: You're so stupid! Who would have an envelope out here! HAH HAH HAH HAH!Rocky: You're stupid bro. Mookie: No, you areRocky: No, you are.Mookie: So it's settled then, we're getting rid of Anthony?Rocky: That's right bro! He's stronger than Rita and Yau Man so he’s sooooo out of here bro! Getting rid of Erica worked out pretty well bro...Sylvia kicked ass in that sliding around challenge. High-five! [Mookie and Rocky jump to high-five…clothes-lining each other]
MEANWHILE, OVER AT EXILE ISLAND…Sylvia: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sylvia: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sylvia: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sylvia: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sylvia: If I was to critique my performance thus far, I’d concurrently say that extraneously I didn’t precisely perform excellently, to be altruistic about it. They’re probably back at camp right this minute saying I’m an albatross around their necks…
BACK AT CAMP RIGHT THIS MINUTE...Rocky: Sylvia is like a moto-cross around our neck, bro.Mookie: A what?Rocky: Neck bro! “N-E-K!” Neck! It’s from the English word ‘turtleneck’. The only thing we have to worry about is that she might have the American Idol, bro. Mookie: Ok, let’s think about this…Rocky: [Sits down, closes eyes, furrows brow, thinks]Mookie: Ok, I got it. If Sylvia has the idol, we should vote so that our weakest player goes next. That makes the most sense.Rocky: [stops thinking] That’s why we shouldn’t do it bro! That’s what they’ll be expecting us to do bro! Let’s vote out Dreamz like I said, bro! Mookie: I can’t explain this to you right now, but that’s not how the game works. Rocky: What game?Mookie: [thinking…allegedly] How about Anthony? He’s black. Will he do?Rocky: Sure bro!Mookie: Ok, here’s the plan. First, I’m going to go into stealth mode. Second, I’m going to tell Earl that we should vote out Anthony because Anthony said he “couldn’t swallow because he didn’t have enough saliva.” We all know that was complete B.S. Anthony simply didn’t want to win like I did. Rocky: I don’t know if this is relevant, but didn’t Earl say the exact same thing Anthony said about the saliva? In fact, I think he said it before Anthony said it, bro. Mookie: Hmmm. Yes, you’re right. Know what that means? Rocky: It’s a black thing?Mookie: No dummy.Rocky: [closes eyes]. Hmmm. [opens eyes] Oh! It means that Anthony really WAS trying his best but he really COULDN’T swallow a dry, hairy pig-snout because he didn’t have enough saliva?Mookie: No. It means they’re BOTH lying. They’re in it together! They BOTH could have swallowed if they were smart, tough, cool, funny and winners like us but they’re not. They’re weak and unmacho and they want us to lose. I’ll go tell Earl that Anthony is weak for not having enough saliva and Earl will realize that we’re on to him too. Then he’ll join us in voting for Anthony because he’ll recognize that we’re very very smart and that together we’ll rule the galaxy. Rocky: Good plan bro! What do we do about Dreamz?…
MYSTERIES SOLVED!!! You’re welcome.
Sylvia…Sylvia… I know I can be a little rough on people. I’m a firm believer that by going on the show you subject yourself to pretty much anything people decide to dish out. Personally, I try to keep my digs above the belt and even though they can be harsh, I like to think they’re based on empirical evidence, like the 3 episodes of evidence which reveal how dumb Mookie and Rocky are. This episode caused me to soften my stance on Sylivia. After seeing her confessionals and her self-realization that she was in deep trouble, I gained some respect for her because previously I thought she had no idea. I think she’s a nice woman, perhaps a bit misunderstood and socially out of her element in this game (as by definition, we all are to some degree). And I’m sure that if you see her on her job, she is a highly competent performer and capable leader that commands tremendous respect. She’s obviously a very bright person, a nice lady, competitive and she is clearly well-intentioned. But as far as this game goes she’s absolutely retarded. When she hit the oil slick, I couldn’t tell if she was trying to make a ground-angel or if she was playing charades-- “Oh, oh I got it! You’re a manta ray that’s been harpooned and you’re flopping around in a giant bowl of jello! Ten points!” Anyway, as a player, I’m not sad to see her go but as a person, I hope she had a good time out there and has a thick enough skin not to take anything anyone else says about her too seriously.
STACY, MICHELLE, RITA
Stacy, Michelle and Rita have come on stronger as characters, and are starting to emerge as capable competitors and interesting people. And they’re nice to look at. Rita finally started getting some air-time, and I was impressed that she seemed like she had something to say. I still think she’s going with the flow-- and the wrong flow at that -- but I don’t think she’s a weakling. I wish she had stood up to Mookie and Rocky’s stupidity though. If she can’t see that Earl “I’m Wearing the Same Shoes as the BobDawgsta Wore So I Can Feel His Might” Cole is the brains of this operation and perhaps the most complete player in the game (don’t really know much about the other side yet with so little coverage), she’s going to feel the pain. Michelle…not only is she hot, but making fire with glasses is pretty impressive. As Scout mentioned, it’s not easy, at least not with a regular prescription. I didn’t see whose glasses those were but I thought Yau Man’s goggles would probably have been the best bet, but they run the risk of creating a laser beam and hurting someone so I thought that’s why he never tried them. In any event, there’s something really HOT about a woman that can make fire out of nothing. Maybe I’m just extrapolating to what she can do in the kitchen with an actual oven and some mitts …Any woman that can start a fire with glasses can probably whip together a pretty fine slab of beef for BobDawgsta. Depending on what her beer-fetching skills are like, I may ask her to marry me….
One MAJOR part of the game is suffering. Sleeping on sharp bamboo and being eaten alive by bugs is a major part of what drives people to consider quitting. That’s part of Survivor. Digging deep and finding what you didn’t know you had. One team hasn’t even been tested yet. I don’t know what they can do to even it up but at this point it would have to be drastic.On the other hand, even though Ravu keeps losing, it’s not like they’re getting blown out. It doesn’t seem like the exhaustion is why they’re losing. There’s a randomness and equalization that is built into all challenges so each team always has a chance. With a few lucky bounces-- and with a little more afro power still on the team-- they could easily have won that slip ‘n’ slide/basket shooting contest. And they didn’t lose the puzzle challenge the episode before because they were thirsty. They lost b/c of their own ineptitude. They could have stayed at a Holiday Inn last night and they would probably still be getting their asses kicked. To me, worse than the luxury is the numbers. 19 people is just way too many (except maybe in an all-stars format where at least you know everyone knows how to play). Terrible game play doesn’t get punished. People can make bad moves like voting for Earl for no apparent reason or going after Anthony without a consensus (and for something stupid), and they get away with it. It’s a dumb move to openly campaign for getting rid of anyone but if you do it, make sure you actually get rid of them. The 48 Laws of Power, Law 15 says “Crush Your Enemy Totally.” The idea is that you don’t want to start an attack and not finish the job because any ember you leave burning will be fanned into a flame that you’ll have to deal with later. It would be stupid to step on Darth Vader’s cape or hit him with a spitball, but if you do it, you might as well go all the way and try to kill him, cuz you're about to get the two-finger death grip, potna.Now Anthony and Earl KNOW they’re under attack. Since they didn’t finish either of them off, they can now regroup, hopefully rally some reinforcements as Jonathan described, and hopefully dust these jokers off, leaving them standing there with their floppy shoes and squirt-flowers. Oddly, Anthony seemed surprised to see his name come up, so I guess that means Earl didn’t warn him about Mookie and Rocky’s plan. That surprised me a bit…Something tells me that we’re going to have a jury full of over-dressed, overly made-up people that got there despite themselves and whose sole goal will be to mug for the cameras...
Welcome to my little corner of blogland! This is the only sane spot I can come in my crazy life! :) Here I share my sometimes funny sometimes NOT-day to day insanity I call my life, along with my sweet wooly hubby & all our boys :)
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau