Welcome to my little corner of blogland! This is the only sane spot I can come in my crazy life! :) Here I share my sometimes funny sometimes NOT-day to day insanity I call my life, along with my sweet wooly hubby & all our boys :)

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.

Henry David Thoreau

Thursday, December 04, 2008


This was the first night home from the hospital (Tues). Note the cats everywhere. I think we are turning into crazy cat people. See that big bottle of bbq sauce? I brought J a bottle of it to the hosp, in 10 days time he used the whole thing. He'd eat chicken strips for breakfast, lunch, supper, late night snack LOL.

Here is J tonight, looking a lot more like himself.

Here he is the night before he got sick. He actually had a headache this night. I even went so far as calling the neurosurgeons. I told them we'd bring him in Sun. a.m. to be checked but that I really thought he had a sinus headache after getting over a cold. If you click to enlarge you can see (in retrospect) that his eyes are a little wonky even here. Big mistake waiting til morning, when I woke him up Sun. a.m. he was critically sick already.

I was going to give a long update about details about J's trauma. But I will just get into one part. Because it seriously scarred me for life. I think it probably scarred my BFF Michelle for life also.

He was transported by ambulance from our local hosp. to the StL Children's hospital. My bff Michelle got there almost as soon as we did. Sat with us all day. They took him back to surgery about 9pm Sun. night. He was up in a room asking for food and the playroom by 11pm. Hubby went home at 11:45 or so, (had to work Mon. in order to get holiday pay for the rest of the week). Michelle decided to stay with me. They even got her a sleeping chair/cot for in the room with us since we were in a room privately. J went to sleep about midnight. Michelle and I talked until about 2am when Hubby got home and called. The nurse came in at 1:20 and I said "whila go he was kind of moaning 'oww' in his sleep". She said "well I was suppose to give him Tylenol at midnight but I've been running behind.". She came in at 1:45, gave him Tylenol (only the bathroom light on). He never really roused up. Talked to Hubby, then turned off the lights and Michelle and I talked til 4am. (we never get quality girl talk time that long uninterupted). We both noticed several times that he was snoring ENORMOUSLY (unlike him) and gritting his teeth CONSTANTLY (not normal either). That breaks my heart because I was RIGHT THERE that was apparently the pressures going up to dangerous levels but I never knew. He had an external shunt and she was supposed to check the output. From midnight til 2am he put out 3 ml and from 2am til morning was zero. This kid puts out 15 ml an hour EASY. She never noticed. SO at 6:25 a.m. the neurosurgeon came in to do rounds, and J was 1000% non-responsive. Pupils fixed and dilated. No response to any painful stimuli. Lights flipped on, rapid response was called in. They rushed around him for about 10 min. putting on oxygen, the nurse flapping her hands around saying I gave him Tylenol at 4am and he woke up and took it (IT WAS 1:45 RIGHT BEFORE I TALKED TO DH), the doctor said "you mean this Tylenol that ran down his mouth and out his pillow?" OMG you guys he never even swallowed it. She was suppose to wake him up for neuro checks every hour, check pupils etc. He got rushed to OR, and it took 2.5 hrs. Thank GOD and thank you MICHELLE for being there because I could NOT have held it together otherwise. I had honestly no idea if he would wake up from that or not. The last half hour I just cried, that silent tears running down crying because if I started sobbing I don't think I'd have quit because I think at that point I honestly didn't know if God was going to take him home or leave him here.

So apparently the blurred/double vision and short term memory problems he is having is basically a brain injury. It is improving but my prayer now is he doesn't suffer from any brain 'damage' from this injury. I cannot get that scene off my mind. I cannot get how he looked out of my eyes. I cannot get how he sounded with me RIGHT THERE out of my ears. Most of all I can't get the guilt of not knowing out of my heart. I was RIGHT THERE within arms reach of him. I also can't get over how sick he got so fast. We knew he could get sick fast but not that fast. I am afraid now to let him go to sleep, because what if his shunt stopped working at 10pm and I didn't know it? I am having bad dreams (storms, tornadoes, floods), I am tired, I am waking him up through the night still. Its a living nightmare and I don't know how to go back to normal. But I don't want to be blase and let him go all night and wait til morning for what might have been a sinus headache. So yes, we are home but J or I neither one are fully recovered yet. Thanks for your prayers, hugs, support. It worked :)
xoxo melzie
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Aunt Jenny said...

Oh my gosh what you all have been through!!! I am so happy to see the pictures of him home and happy with all those kitties!!!
I hope things are very calm, quiet and normal now for you for a long long time...I keep praying he will be 100 % soon. take care!!!

LauraJ said...

What an ordeal! What an ordeal! Big big hugs dear Melzie. One day at a time. Soon you'll find a new normal.

~Bren~ said...

((((Melzie)))) ((((Lovey)))) How awful. I will pray that God will wash your mind with His love and you can lose those memories.
What ever happened to that nurse???

Merci said...

Oh Melzie, I'm SO sorry! How terrifying!!!!! When you get your wits about you in a few days, be sure to put all those details into a letter to the CEO and Medical Director of the hospital. They need to know what happenend so they can make sure it never happens again. I'll be praying that you'll be able to sleep again in peace and without the fear and nightmares. {{{hugs}}}

PS: I have to do a copy over your blog in order to read it ... the background is dark gray and I can't even see it otherwise ... did you change your background color or is my computer wonky?

Shanda said...

We have no phone service to call. We took our sim cards out of the phones and rebooted them to no avail. If you talk to mom, let her know we are OK and have made it to Wyoming for now, out of the snow, but still crossing mountain passes with no service. I spoke with her briefy yesterday but lost service shortly into conversion. We are stopping for lunch shortly and we will try for service again. We are also gonna try the skype feature on the lap top, I have an account with thme, but haven't tried it out going down the road.
((((Hugs)))) to all, Shanda

One Christian Mom said...

I just have no words! I will continue to pray for you and your son!

A Flowered Purse said...

Mel what a sad blog entry to read. I can't imagine. Im glad he's home but i know you will probably be worried all the time now. prayers and lvoe to you always


I'm so sorry.That is SO sad.I am so glad,he is home,and this is past.ALWAYS keep the faith,and I know it must be had.