whine vent rant kick scream cry warning...

WELL... This shunt setting is (duh) not working. Its too fast. Its draining too fast. He's not grossly symptomatic yet but my gosh its obvious ITS NOT WORKING FOR HIM. I don't need a NEUROSURGERY DEGREE TO FIGURE THIS OUT. Last night we went and got our taxes done, just hubby and I, and on the way home I got to thinking about our appt. coming up tomorrow. I started thinking that yes, this is stressful. Yes it is hard on our nerves, our family, our relationships. BUT..I stopped, and I thought how this has PHYSICALLY stressed his poor brain. 2+ months of things being 'off' in his brain. I cannot imagine how his poor brain is physically taking all the stress to it. I mean this is all very real to me, it all affects ME but the symptoms don't happen to MY brain. the surgeries don't happen on MY head. Its not me waking up from anesthesia, dealing with the pain, getting back on my feet. ::crying:: Its too hard, it feels unneccesary. I feel this doctor is erring on the side of caution a little much. 3 months to a 50something neurosurgeon is nothing. 3 months to a 12 year old is a lifetime. 3 months to a worried stressed mom who is watching him like a hawk day and night is an infinity. I want to kiss him, make him better, soothe him, comfort him. All he gets is "lets wait and see" "lets try this again and again and even again EVEN THOUGH IT DIDNT WORK THE 1ST OR THE 4TH TIME". I've made a call to see if they are even considering replacing this shunt this week with a different type. I want them to know we are willing to go to the appt. and be admitted and change it effective immediately. We are not content to wait any longer. Even Jordan is willing to undergo surgery again to get things right. I can't even lightly make the decision to get a tooth pulled, I cannot imagine the frustration behind willingly doing a brain surgery. But its to that point. We are losing faith in our most important doctor and thats not a good place to be.

In other news my washer froze up literally during a load of laundry today.

I think I'm getting an ulcer.

SO to recap, we need to schedule-
shunt/brain surgery
Jordan a dental surgery
Jordan an eye surgery
Cody has 6 cavities to get filled
Jordan and John have sealants to be put on
A fairly large remodel I don't know how I'll afford...My bathroom/laundry room is falling down. My toilet barely functions and leaks all around it. My bathroom sink leaks around the faucet AND the drain. The floor is showing through and soft and fixing to be falling through. My washer is froze AGAIN.
My car got stuck about 10 times in the snow and now keeps dying. My truck has a busted radiator.

Did I mention my possible ulcer?

Please pray for Jordan. For me to keep my sanity. And my job. Sorry to just vent & run :(
xoxo melzie